Throwing Grammar out of a Bullet Train

 

Well, that is a title I remember having come across some years ago while reading something somewhere. It was about how foot-loose modern day literature has become (pardon that atrocious phrase). It went on to describe how bad English has permeated our classrooms and how the beauty of the language has disappeared. How jargons and ‘dudism’ have inextricably gotten embedded in our expression.

Some well meaning professors who support me with their comments about this blog also accuse me for trading bad grammar for good humor. Yes I am not too strong on the grammatical side of the language. Prepositions are my grey areas. Or someone familiar with me will say ‘one of the many grey areas”. Well, it is not about my proficiency or the lack of it. The following ‘in-circulation’ makes a humorous reading:

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”.. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”.. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.